Once again, I am trying to restart my blog. With a new job in a new city, my time is not really my own these days so I’m following what I shall call the Loo Blog Strategy. These days, if you receive a personal email from me, it’s likely been written while I’m in a bathroom stall or while waiting for one because thats about all the personal time I get during the day. So, I figure, if I’m not responding to an email then at least I can blog – all within the time frame I can spend in the loo without raising the eyebrows of coworkers and clients.

Ah, what a life of efficiency I try to lead

1. Next to nothing
2. Criticism of a prospective employer
3. Personal stories
4. Awkward language
5. Someone else’s words
6. Irrelevant experience
7. Arrogance
8. Wrong company name/wrong cover letter
9. Cultural preferences
10. Jokes
11. Typos — total turn-off. Read your cover letters slowly and out loud before you send. Even read aloud the short email that you’re attaching your cover letter and CV to. I once dashed off a few sentences in an application email and sent it with the phrase “pubic health” instead of “public health.” It was horrifying when I discovered it after the fact. I didn’t get the job.
12. Hyperbole — be precise and don’t give in to the temptation to “talk up” your experience. If you’re applying to the right job that’s the right fit, you shouldn’t have to exaggerate your work or experience. Besides, the interviewer will probably be able to tell if you’re over-selling.
13. Only sentences that start with “I” — this might be a personal preference of mine, but I appreciate cover letters that use a variety of sentence structure. It just makes for an easier and more interesting read and it shows me that you’ve taken the time to craft a letter and not just provided me with a laundry list of things you’ve done.
14. Name-dropping — if you talked to the brother-in-law of a professor consulted to one of the organization’s former managers, don’t include those names. You’re clearly reaching for a connection that you and the interviewer both know is tenuous at best, so just leave it out. Now, if you’ve spoken with a senior VP who encouraged you to apply, that name might be worth including if you’ve received his/her permission to do so.
15. Irrelevant experience — just wanted to highlight #6 above. You only get 200-250 words in a cover letter, so make them count! Don’t tell the recruiter about the time you wrote for the school newspaper if you’re applying for a finance job.

More to come!

Here’s to hoping that you’ve all endured the East Coast Earthquake and Irate Irene with little lasting damage! I received a fake evacuation notice on my door, stayed out the storm in my Queens apartment, and the biggest drama of my weekend was watching The Day After Tomorrow on the night  before Irene and was convinced we were on the cusp of the next Ice Age ….

(It’s the dancing towards the end of this video that gets me …)

I used to wonder about those people. Those people who weren’t counted among the unemployed ranks because they had given up. I used to wonder why they would stop networking or why they wouldn’t just send out one resume a day or what they did with their days instead. Now I know. Because after the first few months of joyful unemployment and the happy twinkle of job leads and second interviews, there come the tedious, soul-shattering months of unwilling unemployment, of disappointing job leads that don’t pan out, of sleepless nights filled with unnerving questions about life decisions, financial stability, and whether the two years you just spent in Lesotho were really worth it.

Many of you know me in person. And I feel confident that you would generally describe me as a motivated, proactive individual with a rather sunny disposition. But by Month Six of unemployment, I was downright depressed. More than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Depressed, embarrassed, and entirely worthless. Here I was, two masters degrees, 10 years of experience, forprofit and nonprofit experience, time spent abroad — and still jobless, homeless, and dateless. I couldn’t even bring myself to blog about anything because I felt like if I didn’t mention the job hunt, it would be a glaring ommission.

But now that I am beyond that dark and twisty phase, now that I am not only gainfully employed but excited about the work itself, I think I can write about those months. And I want to write about them because maybe you’re looking for a job too. Or maybe you know someone who is looking for a job and you don’t know how else to support them. My period of unemployment is rather typical — 57% of unemployed people are unemployed for 15 weeks or more — so perhaps the lessons I learned will help others. First up: The Case of the Missing Cheer.

For now, enjoy and be a tad disturbed by this video:

I showed up 30 minutes before it opened and was still about 65th in line. Ridiculous. Surprisingly, though, once I got inside, the process went pretty smoothly. I came with all the right paperwork, got my photo taken, and started to think that maybe, magically, the little suspension problem might have taken care of itself.

No such luck.

Turns out, the failure to appear for a summons was because of a ticket from 2003 (not 1996, as the poorly informed car insurance agent said) and evidently never paid. It was given in Fishkill, NY for not wearing a seat belt. Now, this is odd for a number of reasons — the first is that I have absolutely no recollection at all of being anywhere near Fishkill, NY ever in my life. The second is that I am somewhat obsessed with wearing a seat belt. And the third is that I always pay tickets!

So, after all that waiting in line, I had to call the Fishkill Justice Court, who told me that I just had to pay $105 to make it all go away. The woman actually used that phrase and it freaked me out a little … but away I went to get a certified check and put it in the mail. Too bad I have to spend another 2 hours in the DMV at some point in the future when I get the confirmation the ticket has been paid.

Meanwhile, it is hot as dickens in NYC. I’m so glad to be in Seattle this weekend for a wedding!